In Memory of Dr. Ottilia Chareka

What do I say on this day that will be marked in my heart forever? Today is one year after the horrific murder of our dearly beloved Dr. Ottilia Chareka. How do I summarize the year? The only thing I could hear repeated over and over in my head for 12 months were the words, “Let go and let God!”

I am not a religious person although obviously extremely spiritual, but in the height of the horror, watching her five girls pick up the pieces of their lives, watching my mother who refused to grieve her best friend’s death, almost lose her own life from a stroke, holding Ottilia’s three year old baby in my arms as she cried for her mother asking me “Why she couldn’t stay with me forever?”, loving her as if she were my own but knowing I couldn’t keep her, over and over I could only hear, “Let go and let God!”

I don’t know why bad things happen. Why we have to experience such pain in life. I think I know less today than I knew a year ago, and I will probably know less with each passing year. All I know is that things are connected, love is connected and I am blessed to have known such a person and the creations she brought into this world.

So instead of focusing on the bad, I am going to tell you a story that made me feel like Ottilia was watching from distance. A experience that made me feel that all things are connected.

Last week I came home after interviewing some women in paq'tnkek about their experiences with domestic violence. Their stories and the process they have to go through to get help were so shocking to me and really opened my eyes to how our system needs to change. I remembered thinking, “Why did I never hear of this before? How can their struggle go so unnoticed in society? How can I help them more?” I started thinking about Ottilia. Then the connection became so crystal clear I almost fell out of my chair.

Ottilia was murdered by her husband but I was in such denial that this was a case of domestic violence that I didn’t want to even hear the term in relation to her. She was too powerful, too strong, and too intelligent, she couldn't be a victim of domestic violence! Could she? But the week she died my mother told me that Ottillia, who was a huge supporter of my documentary work, wanted me to come with her to document the process a woman has to go through to get help for her situation and family.

At the time when my mother told me this I was too grief stricken to understand what that meant. All I heard was that she wanted my help and I wasn’t there for her, and if I had of known I would have been in a heartbeat. I also remember thinking, “What is so crazy about the process of reporting domestic violence? Why would that be interesting?”

As I sat on my bed remembering this, I quickly realized, “Holy Shit! I ended up doing exactly what Ottilia wanted me to do, how the hell did that happen?”

Well this is how it happened. When RCMP Community Liaison Officer, Constable Jennifer Arnold called me after I moved to Sydney to part take in an anti-bullying workshop to teach youth video in Antigonish, I jumped at the chance. She had seen my video, Familiar Stranger, and felt I would do a good job working with the kids. She asked me if I would also be willing to interview the women of the community on domestic violence so she could use the footage for her powerpoint presentation, and of course I agreed.

Having experienced the situation around Ottilia’s death I was sensitive to the topic of domestic violence but truthfully had no idea what I was about to learn. As I sat there and interviewed these strong, amazing women I learned the absolute insanity they had to experience in order to get help for their situation. It was unlike anything I had ever heard. They explained in detail the process of how after they report abuse they are often intimidated by certain service providers and their children are often apprehended from their homes. This creates a fear and lack of trust, so they will often not report the abuse.

I was experiencing Community Economic Development in its rawest form as these women came together to educate each other and create change. They are tired of the cycle and strive to make a better future for their children. It truly was an honour and empowering moment just to be in their presence. If you would like to know more about this situation, please click the link on The Millennium Scoop. This issue should not go unnoticed and if there is a way to educate the public and create change, we are moving in the right direction.

So after returning home from a very intense interview with a young woman who outlined her fears, insecurities and strong desire to create change in the process, a lightning bolt hit me from out of the sky!

Without even being conscious of it, I was doing exactly what Ottilia wanted me to do. I did not seek out this information, it found me. She wanted me to use my skills of storytelling and video to help others and she believed in me. Ottilia tried to empower every single person she could in every part of her day, even if they didn’t want to be empower...hahaha...she would at least try!

So Ottilia, if you can hear me (and I know you can) thank you for pulling those heavenly strings and assisting in putting me in the right place at the right time. You will be missed but never forgotten and you have created a legacy in those beautiful girls. Missy, with her fiery passion and insight; Patience, with her humor and infectious laugh like yours, Patricia; with a gentleness and strength that comes out in a voice she has yet to unleash to the world; Primrose, with her skills and determination to succeed and ability to drive others to want to succeed; and Prisca, the funny, loving, beautiful light in my heart who I look forward to watching turn into a strong woman like her sisters.

For this I am truly grateful. Love and light to all!